Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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