i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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