Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
