I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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