Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
