Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
