One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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