forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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