I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
