The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
