Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
