I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
