Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
