He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
