You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
try to milk me bitch
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
