im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
