I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
