thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
