The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
