im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
MIDGETS
????
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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