he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
