clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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