its not stalking. its research.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
