There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
