your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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