you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Let's paint friendship bongs
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
