I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
