I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
wow bdsm is so cute
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
