There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
