I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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