i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
