before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
