ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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