ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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