I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
