Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
