Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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