Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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