i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
