I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You are the jesus of drinking
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
