he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
