cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize