Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
