Sry I called you an 8
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
