This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
