glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
