Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
