what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
