Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
