This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
