Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
