dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
