OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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