His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
