woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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