As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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